Training Our Children To Use Godly Communication

Remember that song as a child that encouraged Godly living and went something like this, "Oh be careful little mouth what you say, oh be careful little mouth what you say, for the Father up above is looking down with love, Oh be careful little mouth what you say!" The song went on to talk about what we watch, what we hear and what we think. I am going to focus primarily on what we say. Part of being a Christian parent is teaching and training our children how to communicate with words in a Godly way. 

Oftentimes Parents struggle with this not only with their children, but also with themselves. However as  child of God, we are able and we must demonstrate, teach, and train Godly communication. Our children must see first hand what words are appropriate and why it is important to speak in a Godly way. The Bible provides the solutions for communicating in a Godly way and it also provides the consequences for when we do not. Let us examine ourselves as we look at a few scriptures on this topic.

1. Colossians 3:8 says, "But now ye also put off these; anger, wrath, malice, blasphemy, filthy communication out of your mouth." The Greek word for "filthy communication" is aischrologia (pronounced ahee-skhrol-og-ee'-ah) and it means "foul speaking, low and obesene speech." Paul is writing this letter to the church at Colosse and in this particular verse he is telling them that they cannot act like they did before they were Christians. Therefore he had to address issues they were experiencing and one of them was filthy communication. The Greek word was defined in part as "foul speaking" and this would be equivalent to "foul language" in our time. Thesaurus.com provides the following synonyms for "foul language":

bad language, bad word, filthy language, filthy word, curse, cursing, cuss word, cussing, dirty word, expletive

I don't need to provide examples of the types of words, every reasonable adult knows what words would fall under these descriptions. It is also notable to point out that words that aren't "bad" in themselves but are used in foul ways are also prohibited for a Christian. This scripture is a reminder to all Christians, and especially Christian parents, filthy communication (a.k.a. foul language) is not to be part of a Christian's life. We know this because Paul said, "...put off these..." which means to put away, cast off, and simply get rid of.

2. Not only are we as Christians prohibited from using foul language, we also need to be mindful of not only what we say, but how we say it. Colossians 4:6 says, "Let your speech be alway with grace, seasoned with salt, that ye may know how ye ought to answer every man." Bascially we are to speak in a way that is loving, kind, forgiving, and preserving, not in a harsh, mean, and degrading tone. 

Futhermore, Proverbs 16:24 says, "Pleasant words are as an honeycomb, sweet to the soul, and health to the bones." In other words, how we communicate to others (including our children) should be with delightfulness and with the aim to uplift and encourage. Even when we have to address the sinful nature of our children, we must approach them with love and in a pleasant tone so that their soul will be encouraged and their mind will be strengthened. The reason for this is proclaimed in Proverbs 15:1, "A soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger." It does no benefit to us or others if we say things intentionally to stir up others. Soft speaking and communicating will always edify where harsh words stir up strife.

3. Even though for some people it is more difficult than others to control their language, everyone to some degree is tempted at least with using our words in an unGodly way. The reason is found in the book of James, chapter 3, verse 8 which says, "But the tongue can no man tame; it is an unruly evil, full of deadly poison." The tongue is a little part of the body but it can surely do a lot of damage when not controlled. The key thing to recognize in this verse is that no "man" can conrol the tongue. Only God through His Holy Spirit can control it. In order to obey God by not using foul language and ensuring our communication is with grace and salt, then we must submit ourselves to the control and direction of the Holy Spirit. We must yield our thoughts to the Lord and when Satan tempts us to speak in an unGodly way, we must resist him, draw near to God, so Satan will flee!

4. It is important to obey what we have learned so far since our soul depends on it. Jesus said in Matthew 12:36, "But I say unto you, That every idle word that men shall speak, they shall give account thereof in the day of judgement." Every person will be judged on the words they say. Therefore it is imperative that we choose wisely what words come out of our mouth. If we have found issues here, then repentance is necessary so God will forgive us and so we will aim not to continue with filthy communication.

The scriptures provided above are the foundation to demonstrating Godly communication everyday. We now understand that Christians cannot use foul language, our words must be uplifting, and in order to do either we must surrender our mind and tongue to God since we can't control it on our own. Now I want to provide some advice when training our children on this topic.

--- Teach your children through scripture why foul language is not acceptable. Memorize scripture together so that you are reminded when temptation comes to use filthy communication.

--- Practice what you preach! Too many parents tell their children not to use foul language yet they themselves use foul language. I am sorry parents, but if you use foul language you have no authority to tell your children not to. Just because you are an adult does not give you permission to use foul language. Also, you cannot use the excuse of "I can't help it." You have to help it so your obeying God, being a good example to your children, and not being a hypocrite.

--- Be careful what you expose yourself and your child to. This means it is best not to listen to music or watch TV shows or movies or even read books that have foul language. Not only is it inconsistent to have a rule of no foul language and still sit and listen to it from someone else, but listening to or watching content that has foul language exposes our hearts and minds to the words we are commanded by God not to say. Over time those words sink in as "normal" and adults as well as children will begin to say them since it is "normal". This isn't the situation where it's not intentional and it comes up without warning. However if we are aware of a show or music that either has or the potential to have, we must avoid it. Even in the midst of the show or song, if foul language presents itself, turn it off and tell your children why you turned it off. We must do what Proverbs 4:23 says, "Keep thy heart with all diligence; for out of it are the issues of life."

--- Establish consequences and proper correction if filthy communication is used. The Bible provides the measures to take when disobedience arises in a child. However it is unfair to the child to correct their way when they haven't been instructed on what the way is. Provide the way and clearly state what the consequence and correction will be for not abiding by the way.

--- Be consistent in enforcing the clearly identified consequences and correction. This is key in teaching and training the child in a Godly way. Whether it is avoiding music, TV shows/movies or books with foul language or if the child violates the clearly provided instruction, Biblical discpline mus be consistent. We cannot afford to send mixed messages to the child with "It's ok sometimes" and "It's not ok ever".

--- Encourage Godly communication on a regular basis. Much of this is caught versus taught. Let the child hear you using Godly communication.

--- Demonstrate God's love and forgiveness always. Even if we or our children fail, God will forgive a Godly sorrowed repentant heart because of the love He has for us. Demonstrate that type of attribute toward your children, however don't use it as a license to act unGodly. Repentance is turning away from something and changing your mind. True repentance makes a change for the better.

As we have seen, the childhood song mentioned at the beginning still has merit today. It is applicable for both children and adults. May the Lord use this to bless your Christian parenting efforts so that you and your children can be the light and salt of the world through Jesus Christ!